


Adam

by Eshusplayground



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Animal Abuse, Bullying, Child Neglect, Gen, Physical Abuse, Verbal Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-31
Updated: 2012-10-31
Packaged: 2019-09-06 23:58:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 10,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16843048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eshusplayground/pseuds/Eshusplayground
Summary: An epistolary work about a lonely girl named Keisha who meets a strange boy named Adam. They become friends and do what friends do: they play together; they share secrets. But something about all this is not quite right.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for verbal abuse

Dear Mama,

I made a friend today.

It was after I came home from school. Willy was in a bad mood again. He gets like that when he thinks about you. I call him Willy because he don’t like it when I say Daddy no more. Not since you been gone. Sometimes I think it’s my fault for being little when you got sick and died because maybe if I was big I could’ve took care of you and you would still be here.

Anyway Willy was mad when I came home. So I did what I always do and went to my room and stayed there. When I got hungry I went to the kitchen to make me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and a glass of milk just like you used to make. But when I was going to walk back to my room I saw Willy and it scared me so I dropped my sandwich and my glass of milk.

That’s when Willy got real mad and started hollering. He said D-word what the h-word wrong with you didn’t you see me right there? And I said No I ain’t seen you. Then he said Why you always gotta be in my way? Get the f-word outta my face. So I ran to my room and shut the door with the milk and sandwich still on the kitchen floor.

I played with my toys and tried not to cry because I’m not a baby anymore but every time I tried I started thinking about how happy me and Willy was when you was still here and that made me sad. But the only happy place I know is the playground in the woods so that’s where I went. I got my backpack and my doll baby and the animal book you gave me then left the house. Willy was in his room so he didn’t know I was gone.

It was almost dark when I got to the playground but that’s OK because I know my way home real good. Me and my doll baby played on the swing. We had a real good time swinging higher and higher until everything below us disappeared and the only thing I could see was the orange sky and purple clouds. I asked my doll baby If you could fly what kind of bird would you be? She said A bluebird just like the ones in Miss Mary Margaret’s class. I said How come and she said So I can have a house and eat fruit and seeds from Miss Mary Margaret’s hands every day. I said Me too.

It was getting dark so me and my doll baby slowed down the swing so we can go home. And that’s when we saw Adam.

I didn’t see him walk to the playground. Me and my doll baby was just swinging back and forth back and forth. One minute he wasn’t there and the next he was standing in front of the swing. Just there. He looks a lot like this boy in my class named Henry Mills. He’s the mayor’s son and he lives in a really big house with his mom who’s really pretty but a little scary too.

Anyway Adam was standing in front of the swing. He wore red pants and a red jacket and sneakers. Like our winter gym clothes but red and not blue.

Hi he said. I said Hi. You’re Keisha right he said. I said Yeah how you know my name? He said I’ve seen you around. I said I never saw you nowhere before. He said I’m Adam let’s be friends. I said OK.

I was real tired so I came home. Willy was already asleep. I cleaned up the milk and sandwich and went to bed. I dreamed of being a little bluebird and flying high in the sky next to a little red bird.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for child neglect

Dear Mama,

I’m so happy Adam’s my friend. He’s real nice and we have a lot of fun. Everyday after school we go play in the woods near the playground. Most of the time we play tag or hide and seek but sometimes we just talk about stuff like what we want to do when we grow up and whose class we want to be in next year. Adam said he want to be a wizard. I said Like Harry Potter? He said Yes but better than that. Then I said If you be a wizard can I have a magic shop where people can come get magic stuff? And Adam said Sure. Then I said Maybe one day when I grow up Mr. Gold will give me his shop and I can put the magic stuff there. Adam got real quiet. I said Was it something I said? Adam said Maybe I don’t want to be a wizard anymore. I said That’s OK you can be something else. Miss Mary Margaret says we can be anything we set our mind to. Adam smiled when I said that.

We talk about important stuff too. One time when we were playing Adam said Keisha can I ask you something? I said OK. How come you never like to go home Adam said. I said because Willy don’t like me. He said Who’s Willy? I said He’s my dad but he don’t like it when I call him Daddy no more not since Mama died. I said What about your mom and dad? Adam said It’s complicated. That’s what grownups say when they mean I know what it means but you’re just a kid so you too stupid to know what it means. I told Adam I hate it’s complicated. Adam smiled and said Maybe later. That’s another thing grownups say when it means you’re just a kid so shut up and stop asking me. I hate maybe later too. When I said that to Adam he laughed then that made me laugh too.

Sometimes we stay in the woods and play until it’s late. One time it was dark when I got home and Willy got mad. He said Do you know what f-word time it is girl? I didn’t say nothing because everything I say when Willy is mad is wrong. He said Do you hear me talking to you? I still didn’t say nothing. Take your a-word to bed said Willy. Don’t even think about food he said. He said You don’t get to come and go when you feel like it and eat me out of house and home. Willy don’t know that I hide pop tarts and potato chips in my room anyway so I never go to bed hungry. He’s so dumb.

I don’t care. One day Willy’s going to die and me and Adam and everybody in Miss Mary Margaret’s class are going to eat ice cream and birthday cake.


	3. Chapter 3

Dear Mama,

I had a funny dream last night. Not funny like when it makes you laugh but funny like when I hit my elbow real hard. But instead of that feeling on my elbow by itself I had that feeling all over my body.

In my dream I was in my room reading this big old book that smelled like Mr. Gold’s shop. The book had a bunch of fairy tales in it like the ones we used to watch on family night. I can’t think of what was on the writing but there were a lot of pictures. There was this one picture of a lady wearing all black like everybody who went to see you get put in the ground. She had a look on her face that was mad and sad at the same time that made me think of Willy. Did she lose somebody special to her too? I read some of the stories but I always went back to the picture of the lady. Where did I see her before? I know I know her but I don’t know how.

Mama I promise I’m not telling stories but each time I went to the picture it changed. I never saw it change but each time I went back something was different. Like at first she had a black ribbon on her neck and then she had a necklace with a gold ring on it. Little stuff like that. I don’t know why but it was scary.

There were other changes too. Stuff you can’t really see but still know. You know how I know when somebody touched my doll baby even though I never saw them do it and even though my doll baby never moved? It was like that.

It was her face. One time I look at her and she looks so sad that I want to reach in the picture and hug her and tell her everything will be OK. When I look at her again I snatch my hand back because she look so mean and scary. Way more mean and scary than Willy. Remember when we read that story about this tiger who wanted to eat this boy and I had bad dreams about a tiger chasing me in the dark getting closer and closer to eating me up? She was like that except she’s not a tiger she’s a lady.

Mama I know it’s a bad thing to tear up books but it was real important to have that picture. There was a little voice inside me that said Keisha you need to keep this and you told me to always pay attention to that little voice inside me. I tore out the picture but I was real careful not to tear the part with the lady on it. I tore it out thinking that I was going to ask Adam about it after school because he’s really smart and he would know.

When I woke up this morning I wasn’t in my bed. I was on the floor with my crayons and markers and drawing paper everywhere. I had colors on my hands and a paper stuck to my arm. When I took it off it was a picture of the lady in my dream. It didn’t look just like that picture because I don’t draw that good but I know it’s her because of all the black I used for her hair and her clothes and the red I used for her lips and the peach I used for her skin. It was almost time for school so I stuck the picture in a folder and put the folder in my backpack. Now that I think about it that was scary too. I don’t like thinking that something can make me do things without me knowing it.

Today in school we had class outside but all I could think about was my dream and the lady in the picture who sometimes had mad sad Willy eyes and sometimes had hungry hungry tiger eyes. Then Henry’s mom came while we were having class. She looked worried and mad about something. Maybe it had something to do with the lady from out of town. Then I remembered my dream. It was her! The lady in the picture! Henry’s mom’s clothes were different and her hair was shorter but it was her! What if I could ask Henry about what this could mean?

Adam wasn’t waiting for me at the playground after school. Maybe his mom and dad picked him up early. I wasn’t ready to go back home to Willy yet so I played by myself and drew a little bit even though I can’t draw.


	4. Chapter 4

Dear Mama,

Can I tell you a secret? Magic is real!

Isn’t that great! Now I can do whatever I want and Willy can’t say nothing.

Adam told me to meet him at the playground early today. When it was almost time for the bell to let us out I told Miss Mary Margaret that I had to go to the bathroom then went to the playground. It wasn’t a lie for real. I did have to go pee. But instead of going back to class I went to the playground. I never did anything like that before. Willy’s going to be mad if he knew but I make sure I almost never see him anyway. Who needs stupid old Willy when I have a best friend like Adam?

Me and Adam played on the swings. I said Are we gonna play tag? Adam shook his head no. Hide and seek? Adam said We’re not playing hide and seek today. Sometimes when he talks he almost sounds like a grownup in a way that makes me feel cold no matter what I’m wearing or what it’s like outside.

Then I said What are we gonna do. And Adam said I’m going to show you something really special. I said You mean special like a Christmas present? He said Way more special than that it’s in the woods come on. I said OK.

I like it in the woods. The trees are tall and brown like you and their branches make me think about how you hold me in your arms when I was scared or sad. And there’s no stupid old Willy to make me feel bad.

When we were walking Adam said What’s that in your backpack? I said Nothing just school books then I thought about the picture of the lady who looks like Henry’s mom. Hey wait I said. Then I took out the picture and showed it to him. Adam got a strange look on his face when he saw my picture. You know how in the movies when a grownup sees a big pile of money and gold and jewels? Adam’s face was like that. He held the picture and looked at it for a real long time.

While I looked at Adam looking at the picture I think I saw something weird. Maybe I was just seeing things. Like when I was a baby and I used to think I saw shapes moving in my closet and something scratching the floor under my bed. But when I looked at Adam his eyes changed. For a second the space in the middle of his eyes that’s supposed to be black glowed like birthday candles. Then I blinked and it was gone. I think that’s what I saw. I’m not sure.

Can I have it Adam said. I said Of course Adam you’re my friend. Then Adam folded the picture real neat and put it inside his red jacket. Come on Adam said. I followed him into the woods. We went real far past any part where we play. I didn’t say anything but I was scared. I don’t know my way home from that far in the woods and what if I get lost and nobody can find me. What if a witch like in Hansel and Gretel lives there and wants to eat me?

Don’t worry Keisha Adam said If that happens I’ll use my magic to save you. I said What you mean? Adam said Come here and I’ll show you.

Me and Adam walked and walked then we came to this field. A bunch of real big trees were in a circle around us. If I look real close I almost see old man faces in them. Adam said They work for me if anybody comes they’ll let me know. They can talk I said. Sure Adam said. Then how come I never heard them I said. He said You have to speak their language. I said Can you teach me how to speak Tree? He said Sure.

Adam said This is my secret place this is where I come when we can’t play you like it. I said yes. He said Good because this can be your secret place too. I said Thank you Adam. Then he smiled his smile and I knew that I’ll always say yes no matter what he said.

I said How come you took me here Adam? He said Because I want to tell you a secret and I don’t want anybody to know but you. I said Why me. He said You’re my best friend. I know that. I just like it when he says it.

What’s your secret I said. Adam smiled his smile again and he said It’s better if I show you. I said OK. He said See that pebble right there? I said yes. Then he said Watch.

I watched and he pointed his finger at the rock and Mama you won’t believe it but the rock moved! It went up in the air like somebody picked it up with their hand. When I saw it my mouth came open. Adam moved his finger up and down then the rock went up and down. Adam moved his finger in a zigzag then the rock went in a zigzag. Adam held his finger still then it was just sitting in the air again. Adam put his hand down then the rock fell just like a regular rock.

How you do that I said. Adam said Magic. I said Can you teach me? Adam said Maybe. Pleeeeeease I said. He said OK but you have to do something for me. I said Anything. He said There’s something real special I need to do and I’m going to need your help if you help me I’ll teach you magic do we have a deal? I said Yes yes yes. Adam said Good we’ll get started tomorrow.

I’m going to learn magic, Mama! I’m going to learn magic and bring you back so you and me can be happy again!


	5. Chapter 5

Dear Mama,

Today me and Adam started Operation Mongoose. Don’t ask me what it means Adam came up with it. I asked him what a mongoose was and he said it’s the coolest animal ever. I asked him why and he said because it can kill cobras. That is pretty cool.

Adam said that for Operation Mongoose I have to find out more about Henry Mills and more important learn about his mom. I said How come you can’t find out about Henry? He said Because I can’t. Then he got that grownup look on his face that Willy gets before he says something mean. It was a little scary. My face must have showed it because Adam said sorry then said that he really need me for Operation Mongoose or it won’t work. It felt good when he said that. Nobody ever needed me for nothing before. So I said OK.

I talked to Henry at recess. Henry never plays with the other kids and he never talks much in class. He’s always reading this big old book even when he’s supposed to be paying attention to Miss Mary Margaret. Sometimes Miss Mary Margaret calls on him in class when he’s reading it and when he says I don’t know she says Maybe you should put the book away and pay attention. I hate when teachers do that. Why don’t they just say what they mean and not act like they just want to call on you?

At recess Henry was with his book so I went over to him to say hi. He said hi. I said What are you reading? He said Nothing just a book. I said About what? He said Stories. I said Can I see? Henry didn’t say anything so I know right away that his mom doesn’t make him share his toys. Grownups say things like Well he’s an only child but you just had me and you made me share my toys.

Henry let me see the book. And Mama it was just like the book in my dream only this time I can read the words! It was all these fairy tales like Snow White and Red Riding Hood and Cinderella but they were different from the cartoons. And I saw her again. The lady in my picture. Henry’s mom. I said Who’s that? Henry said That’s the Evil Queen. I said She looks a lot like your mom doesn’t she? Henry opened his mouth to say something but the bell rang and recess was over.

Henry was real nice but I felt bad because I didn’t find anything that can help Adam. Then after the bell let school out Henry came to me and said Meet me in front of the gym and I’ll tell you everything you want to know. I said OK and went to the gym.

Henry told me everything. He said that 28 years ago the Evil Queen cursed the Enchanted Forest where all the fairy tale characters live and took away their happy endings. The curse took them to this world where they are stuck here in Storybrooke and can’t leave and can’t be happy. That’s what he said. I swear on Grandma and Grandpa’s grave.

I said Why did she do that? He said Because she’s the Evil Queen. I said If she’s the bad guy how come she had you? Bad guys don’t like kids and animals. He said She’s not my real mom. I said What do you mean? He said I’m adopted. I said My mama told me that love makes you a mom. He said She doesn’t love me so I’m going to go find my real mom.

Henry said What about your mom? I told him you’re in heaven with the angels and left me with Willy who’s my dad but doesn’t like it when I call him Daddy. It made me sad. Then Henry said Don’t worry when my real mom breaks the curse you’ll get your happy ending too. For a minute that made me happy again. Then Henry’s mom came in her black car so he had to go.

I can’t wait to tell Adam everything Henry told me.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning bullying/physical abuse

Dear Mama,

Guess what? I can do magic!

Not a lot but a little bit. Adam showed me when I told him everything Henry said. Adam says I have to be careful and only use it for little stuff right now or I will run out. I said It’s like money in the piggy bank right? He said Yes Keisha that’s right just like money in the piggy bank.

Then Adam showed me a trick that can make it hard for people to see me when I don’t want them to. As long as I don’t make noise or touch anything they don’t look where I am so it’s almost like being invisible. It’s real easy too. I just have to pretend that I’m wearing shadows like a jacket but Adam said if I want I can cross my finger in the air right at my eye too. He said it uses less magic when I do that. I practiced it a few times. Adam says I’m real good. I never been good at nothing before.

I can’t wait to use it on Willy.

Anyway I want to talk more about Operation Mongoose. It’s going real good. Me and Henry are going to find out who was who in fairytale land. We know Henry’s mom is the Evil Queen. Henry says that Miss Mary Margaret is Snow White. I think Ruby at Granny’s diner are Red Riding Hood and her grandma. We think the guy at the farmacy is either Sneezy or Doc. We don’t know who Mr. Gold is but I’ll ask Adam because he’s the smartest boy ever and knows everything. There’s a whole bunch of other people we need to find too like Peter Pan and the Little Mermaid.

Adam says I’m doing a good job with Operation Mongoose. I said Maybe we can ask Henry to help too because he has a book and he’s real smart. Then Adam’s face looked all twisted and ugly and I think I saw that funny light in his eyes again and he said No not him not ever. He grabbed my arm real hard. It hurt real bad. It hurt more than when Willy did it. Adam gave me a look like one of those mean dogs that live in Mr. Gold’s junkyard. His teeth were showing and everything. Then he said in his scary grownup voice Did you tell him about me? I shook my head no. He squeezed my arm harder. I said Ow Adam that hurts. He pushed me until I almost fell down. Then he said If you ever tell him about me then we won’t be friends anymore no more magic no more fun and I’ll make Willy ten times worse than he was do you understand me?

I nodded my head yes. I tried not to cry but the tears came anyway. I wiped them with my good hand. I don’t want to act like a big baby in front of Adam. Adam said Good let me see your arm. At first I was scared he was going to hurt me again but he said it’s OK so I let him see my arm. It had ugly purple spots on it where he touched me. He touched it real soft and the ugly purple went away. He never said sorry but I know he was.

Adam picked up some dirt and he blew on it. A little white flower came out of the dirt in his hand. Then the petals started moving back and forth. It was real pretty. Like a little angel flapping her wings in his hand. Then the flower turned to a butterfly and flew away. Do you have wings now Mama? He said I can teach you to do this too if you want do you want me to teach you?

We played games at the playground all the way until past dark.

While I was walking home I had a question that did not leave me alone even after I brushed my teeth and put on my pajamas. Why can’t Henry know about Adam?


	7. Chapter 7

Dear Mama,

I had a dream about you last night. Well about you and Adam.

In my dream I was getting ready for bed and you were going to read me a bedtime story like you used to do before you went to heaven. I had on my pajamas and held my doll baby in my arms. You tucked me in and read me a story from the big old book like the one Henry has.

The story went like this.

Once upon a time there was this queen who was in love one time but her true love died so she was really sad. At this part there was a picture of the queen who looked a lot like Henry’s mom but she was standing at a grave under an apple tree. The queen saw everybody else with their true love and happy ending and this made her mad because her true love and happy ending were gone forever. At this part the book showed a picture of everybody happy and having fun. Inside the queen’s heart was a big empty that grew and grew.

On the other side of the kingdom there was a man who lived all alone. He was rich and powerful and had a lot of magic but no love. At this part the book showed a picture of his castle that was full of treasure. Then one day a girl came to live with him and they fell in love. But something happened and she had to go away forever. So the man was really sad. At this part the book showed a picture of the man at a window watching a lady walking away from the castle. Inside the man was a big empty that grew and grew.

One night the queen and the man were asleep and dreaming about the ones they loved but were gone. That night a creature from the shadowland saw their dreams and said I will fill your big empty. Then it went into the dream of the man where it became the true love who went away. They said things that lovers do in the night when the moon is full and did things that lovers do in the night when stars are bright.

Then the creature from the shadowland went into the dream of the queen where it became the true love who died. They said things that lovers do when all is quiet and did things that lovers do when no one is around. But as the queen embraced who she thought was her true love she looked in her mirror and saw the true form of the creature from the shadowlands. At this part the book showed a picture of the queen looking at her mirror with her eyes and mouth wide open. While her body held her true love her mirror showed her arms around a big shadow thing that was not human. It had animal parts but I can’t tell which because it was like smoke. I think I saw the picture move like the ones in Harry Potter. It scared me so I scooted close to you and you held me close.

I wasn’t in my room in my bed anymore. I was in Henry’s room. I don’t know how I know that. I did the magic Adam showed me and I sneaked through the house. It was real big and real clean nothing like the little dirty house where me and Willy live. I walked to the kitchen. On the fridge I saw the picture of the lady that I drew the one I gave to Adam of the lady who looked like Henry’s mom who is the Evil Queen. I went back to Henry’s room on my tippy toes but when I opened the door I saw him sitting on his bed in his pajamas with his back to me. I said Henry it’s me Keisha. I said Henry where’s your mom? I said Henry? When Henry turned around I saw Adam but he was in Henry’s pajamas. He smiled at me but he didn’t look like the Adam I know. His eyes glowed like birthday candles. His teeth were sharp and pointy. I screamed and screamed and screamed.

When I woke up it was the middle of the night and I had to pee. The wind was blowing and I heard the tree next to the house tap tap tapping on my window. In my head I saw Adam at my window trying to peek at me. Tap tap tap. It took a long time for me to go back to sleep.

In the morning the sun was shining in my face. When I pulled the curtain back to let some light in there were fingerprints on my window.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning bullying

Dear Mama,

Yesterday me and Adam played at the playground like we did before Operation Mongoose. It was nice to play on the swings and the seesaw again.

He said Hey Keisha. I said Hey Adam. He said Have you been practicing your magic? I said yes. Adam said Has Willy been bothering you lately? I said No he doesn’t know I’m there and he doesn’t care. I wanted to be happy but saying it out loud made me sad but I was a big girl this time and I didn’t cry. Adam said Good I don’t like it when he hurts you.

Then Adam said Hey Keisha. I said What? He said Do you miss your mother? I said Yes all the time. He said What if you had all the magic in the world would you use it to get her back? I said I want that more than anything how come you asking me these funny questions Adam?

Adam said Remember when you asked about my mother and father? I said You said it’s complicated maybe later. He said If I tell you a really big secret do you promise not to tell anybody? I said Sure. He said I mean it Keisha you can’t tell anybody. I said OK.

We sat down on a bench. Adam had his hands in his pockets and looked real long at his shoelaces. Then he said What if I told you that I’m not like other boys? I said I know that’s why you’re my best friend. He said No not like that I mean what if I said that I’m not really a boy at all just something that looks like a boy? I didn’t know what to say so I didn’t say nothing. Adam said Keisha there’s a reason why we can only meet here or at our secret place. I said How come? He said It’s because I’m not human. I said Then what are you? He said It’s hard to explain. I said Can you try please for me?

Adam licked his lips and swallowed like he just ate some ice cream. I thought about Henry waving at me when he saw me when he was at the ice cream place with the new sheriff who had all that long gold hair like Rapunzel. She said Who’s that Henry? Then he said A friend from school. She said You’re making a lot of friends these days. Then he said We need all the help we can get. Then for a minute I think I saw Adam in Henry’s clothes like I did in my dream but I blink and he’s just regular Henry. I still got cold all over.

I hear Adam call my name and I’m back at the playground. Adam said You know how I told you that a big part of magic is wanting something real bad? I said Yes. Then Adam said Well sometimes people want something real bad but they don’t know what it is and their want gets so big that it makes magic. I nod my head to let him know I understand. Then Adam said That’s what happened with my mom and dad. I said How? Adam said They had a big empty thing inside and it made them really sad so magic helped them make me. I said Why you don’t live with them? He said They are not together. I know some kids in my class who have moms and dads who are not together. Sometimes they live with just their mom or their dad and sometimes they go back and forth from mom and dad. I like the second one. I hate it with just Willy. I wish it was just you and me.

Almost like he heard my wish in my head Adam said I knew you would understand I’m so glad I picked you to be my friend. I smiled because I like it when he said things like that. I said So you need me to help you find your mama what about your dad? He said My dad don’t want me I hate him. I feel sad when he said that because I know what he mean. I said That’s what Operation Mongoose is for isn’t it to help you find your mama. Adam said Yes and the good news is that we already found her. I said We did who is it?

Adam opened his red jacket and took out a piece of paper. It was the picture I made in my sleep. The one that looked like the lady in my dream who looks like Henry’s mom who is the Evil Queen in the land of fairy tales. I said Hey that’s my picture you keep it in your jacket? Adam said Of course. Then I said So this makes Henry your brother don’t it I wish I had a brother.

Adam made a mean face. He said He is not my brother. Then I said But Henry’s mama is your mama too but before I can finish Adam said He is not her son. I said Why do you hate Henry he’s real nice. Adam said Because she was mine before she was his. I said But people don’t belong to other people they belong to themselves. Adam said What the f-word do you know you’re just a stupid little girl. And he pushed me on the ground and disappeared. Just like that. He was there one minute then I blinked and he was gone.

Last night I dreamed of a dark dark place and a baby crying. It had no words but I can hear I want I want I want.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning physical abuse

Dear Mama,

When I got home yesterday Willy was waiting in the living room. He said I got a call from school saying you ain’t showed up for class today. I said Yes I was maybe they skipped me when they had roll call. Willy said Do you think I’m f-word stupid? I didn’t say nothing because Willy is stupid but he don’t like it when I say that. He don’t like it when I say anything. Willy said Get your a-word over here now. I didn’t move because I know what he’s going to do. Willy said I said get your a-word over here! I go to him because it don’t hurt as much if he don’t have to run after me. Then he slapped me and it burn on my face like a fire. It’s not as bad as when he drinks beer and whiskey. Willy said Fast a-word lil tramp running around town already! Go to your g.d.-word room and don’t come out until tomorrow!

Sometimes I think about how much I hate him and want something bad to happen to him so he can leave me alone and Adam can come live with me.

After school I looked for Adam at our secret place. He was skipping rocks then took one look at me and said He hit you didn’t he? I said Yes. Then he said Don’t worry Keisha after tonight he won’t ever hit you again. I said What you going to do? Adam didn’t say nothing. I think he’s going to use magic to fix Willy real good hahaha.

Me and Adam sit in the grass and didn’t say nothing for a long time. I said Anything new for Operation Mongoose? Adam got a big smile on his face that went all the way to his eyes. He said I’ve been doing lots of fun stuff with Operation Mongoose now that I’m stronger. I said What happened were you sick? Adam said More like injured. I didn’t know he was hurt. I wish he told me. I would have made him chicken soup like you used to give me when I was sick.

Like he knew what I was thinking Adam said Don’t feel bad Keisha it was you who helped me get better. I said What you mean? He didn’t say nothing. Then we talked about Operation Mongoose and what Adam was doing.

I found out that when me and Adam wasn’t playing Adam was using his magic to find out more for Operation Mongoose. He told me that he went inside Mayor Mills’s dreams and Henry’s dreams and Mr. Gold’s dreams. He said you can learn a lot about somebody from their dreams. What they want. What they are scared of. The secrets they keep so deep inside they don’t even know it.

Like Mr. Gold. Adam said that Mr. Gold used to be someone else a long time ago and that he feels bad for hurting some people he loved when he was that other person. He said that Henry has a lot of feelings about his mom but he doesn’t know what to do with them so he pretends he hates her. Then he said that Henry’s mom just wants love but is afraid of losing it because Henry likes the new Sheriff more than her. And he said that something really bad that happened to Henry’s mom a long time ago. I said Did you ever go in my dreams Adam? Adam said Don’t be silly.

Adam was doing stuff when people were awake too. He likes to make himself invisible and whisper in people’s ear so they can do stuff. Like that time Henry went into the mine. That wasn’t very nice. Henry could have got hurt real bad. And there was that time Mr. Gold beat up Mr. French. Adam can make people do that? I felt cold.

Adam said I don’t make them do it I just give them an idea. I said Why you make Mr. Gold do that? Adam said So he can get in trouble isn’t that funny? I didn’t say nothing.

We played in the secret place until it was time for me to go home.


	10. Chapter 10

Dear Mama,

I’m so glad Miss Mary Margaret got out of jail. The lady they had teaching us while she was gone was no fun and stupid.

Miss Nolan wasn’t dead just kidnapped and it was the newspaper man who did it not Miss Mary Margaret. It was like one of those TV movies you liked to watch. Is there TV in heaven? I hope so. I don’t think it’s heaven if there’s no cartoons.

There was a welcome home party for Miss Mary Margaret too. The class made a card and everybody signed it. Henry got to go to the party because his other mom is the sheriff and she’s Miss Mary Margaret’s best friend. He said I can come but who wants to be with a bunch of grownups after school? So I said no.

I talked to Henry’s mom the other day too. Henry forgot his lunch at home and she came to school to give it to him. I was sad when I saw that because I know Willy won’t ever give me my lunch if I forget it. He don’t care if I’m hungry or cold or sick.

I don’t like how Henry talks to his mom. He talked real mean to her like how I talked to you sometimes. I’m sorry I was mean to you those times. If I knew you had to leave me to go to heaven I think I would have been nice to you more.

Henry said his mom is the Evil Queen but she didn’t look evil the other day. Just lost and sad. Maybe that’s what evil means. I think if Henry was nice to her maybe she won’t be evil no more. Maybe if I try it first he will know what to do. If I do some of the things I used to do for you will that help? You’re a mom so maybe you know.

The bell was ringing for us to go to class but Henry’s mom still sat on the bench where she talked to Henry. I know I was late but Miss Mary Margaret already took roll. Henry’s mom was still sitting by herself in her blue dress. If I got something that will help for Operation Mongoose it will make Adam real happy. But even if there was no Operation Mongoose I still wanted to do what I did. I sat down next to her.

I said Hi Henry’s mom. She looked at me funny. Like nobody ever said hi to her before. Henry’s mom said Who are you? I said I’m Keisha I’m his friend from class. She said You should get back to class. You’re already late. I said So? She did that laugh grownups do when they don’t know what to say. She said Wouldn’t your parents want you to be in class? I said Yes but it’s all old stuff anyway and I get that on the internet. She said Remind me to say that when parents complain about budget cuts in education next year. What’s she talking about? What’s a budget? I don’t know so I said what I always said when grownups say weird stuff like that. I said OK.

Then I said Me and Henry talk about you a lot. Her face looked like yours used to when I woke you up early on a Saturday. She said He does what does he say? I said He said you’re the Evil Queen and you cursed everybody to take away their happy endings. She looked real sad when I said that. I said You’re not really the Evil Queen are you that’s just Henry’s pretend playtime story right? She said What do you think? I said I think you just want Henry to love you. She looked at me funny again. Then she moved close to me and said How do you know I’m not a witch who eats little girls like you for breakfast? I laugh. Grownups can be so dumb. I said That’s easy everybody knows witches hate kids and don’t like animals but you have Henry and he says you like horses. She laughed. It was a pretty sound. It made me think about you. She said You should get to class before you get in even more trouble than you already are. Then she got up and walked away.

After school me and Henry talked about Operation Cobra. He talked about stuff but I don’t know what he said because inside I am far away. I want to tell him about Adam so bad but Adam said not to. Then I said How come you talk so mean to your mom? Henry stopped. He looked at me funny. He said What do you mean? I said You talk real nasty to your mom how come? He said I told you because she’s the Evil Queen. I said She don’t look evil. He said That’s what evil does it pretends like it’s good but it isn’t. I tell Henry about me and his mom talking. He said How could you do this? I said What? He said You’re taking her side! I said I think she’s unhappy. He said Good and I hope she dies! I said How can you say that about your mom? He said Because she’s evil and I hate her. I think about the times I said mean things like that to you and how sorry I am now and how much I miss you. I said I’d do anything to have a mom like yours. He said You can have her! Then he ran away.

The wind blew and made the leaves move around in the air. In the leaves I think I saw a shape like a boy but then it was gone.


	11. Chapter 11

Dear Mama,

Another crazy dream. It’s about Henry’s mom who is the Evil Queen.

In my dream I’m at this real big house with a big yard that’s all grass. Then some black horses come with this carriage. This old man comes out. I think he’s a butler like Alfred on Batman. He helps the Evil Queen get out. She don’t look like herself. She looks tired and hurting. Her stomach is real big so I know there is a baby in there. Is it Adam?

Then it’s night time and I’m inside the house. It’s empty except for the Evil Queen screaming and the old man standing by a door where the screaming is coming from. He has his hand on the door but he doesn’t open it. Did you scream like that when I came out? Did Willy stand outside like that?

Then I hear the Evil Queen screaming Daddy Daddy! And then I’m inside the room. The old man is hitting the door real hard but he can’t come in because it’s locked. He’s yelling Reggie Reggie the door is locked Reggie open the door Reggie Reggie. Then I don’t hear him no more.

That’s when I see what I saw. I don’t know how to say what it is. There is a light coming from inside the Evil Queen. It keeps changing colors red pink blue purple green over and over. It makes my head hurt and I want to spit up. I can’t watch but I have to watch. I’m so scared because I know the light is not good.

Get up I want to say but no words come out. The Evil Queen is just laying there like she can’t move her arms and legs and she can’t breathe. The light turns into a shape and the shape is a baby then the baby turns into a little boy. The little boy looks like he is only 3 years old but I know it’s Adam. He’s not wearing no clothes so I can see his pee pee. Gross. Adam sits on top of the Evil Queen and touches her face in a real grownup way and it looks all wrong.

Then he talks in a super grownup voice no kid can have ever and he has a big voice that shakes the walls and I am scared. He says Worry not dear mother I shall destroy Father and you shall be queen again and rule by my side over my kingdom of blood and bones. Then he has a little boy voice again and says Shhhh sleep this is all but a dream. Then the Evil Queen falls asleep and Adam is gone like he won’t never there.

Then I woke up and I got ready for school. I didn’t see Willy so already it looked like a good day.

Willy won’t home when I got back from school. I made myself a sandwich and started watching TV. It was a long time since I did that. I heard the doorbell ring. I looked out the window and I saw the police car. Willy told me never to answer the door for strangers and he don’t like police. But I know that Henry’s other mom is the sheriff so she’s not really a stranger. So I opened the door. She has a sad look on her face and I know something bad happened. She said Hey kid you’re Henry’s friend from school you’re Keisha right? I said Yeah is he OK. She said Henry’s fine listen there’s something I got to tell you. I said What? She said Do you know a William Jackson? I said Yeah he’s my dad I call him Willy though. She didn’t say nothing for a long time. Then she said Keisha I have some bad news your dad. I say Willy before she finished. Then she said Willy had an accident in the woods he must have tripped and fell but when we found him he was gone. I said Willy dead? She looked real sad and she said Yeah. I said OK thanks sheriff. Then she had a funny look on her face. She said Is your mom around I think I want to talk to her too. I said My mom is dead. She said Is there someone else I can talk to another grownup? I said No it was just Willy. Then she said Mind if I come in for a minute? I know Willy said not to but he’s dead so he can’t do nothing so I said OK and let her in.

The sheriff looked around the house. She looked in my room and Willy’s room and the bathroom and the kitchen. She was looking in the cabinet and the fridge and I heard her say Jesus how the hell can anybody live like this. After she looked around she came to me and said Hey Keisha you want to eat at Granny’s tonight? I said OK. She said I get off in a couple of hours but after that I promise we’ll go to Granny’s for dinner alright? I said OK. She said You’ll have to hang out at the sheriff’s office for a little while maybe Henry will stop by and keep you company. I didn’t tell her that Henry’s mad at me.

The sheriff’s real name is Emma. She let me play on the computer at the sheriff’s office. I played Angry Birds and got the high score 6 times.

When I played Angry Birds Henry’s mom came in. She gave me a secret smile like you used to give me when I came to see you at work. I smiled back. Emma and Henry’s mom went to talk in the hall. I know it’s about me because Emma kept looking at me when she talked to Henry’s mom.

I left the room and went in the hall like I had to go pee. They stopped talking and watched me go to the bathroom. After I got inside I opened the door a little bit and listened.

I heard Henry’s mom. She said Did you tell her how it happened? Emma said No I said it was an accident what was I supposed to say hey kid we found your dad next to the toll bridge and he looked like somebody balled him up like a piece of paper and tossed him aside? Henry’s mom said You said he was a heavy drinker? Emma said I think my exact words were drunk deadbeat asshole what’s going to happen to her? Henry’s mom said I think you already know. Emma said g.d.-word.

I came out the bathroom and they stopped talking. Henry’s mom said Keep me posted sheriff. Then she left.

Dinner at Granny’s was good. I had meatloaf and potatoes and broccoli. Then for dessert I had chocolate cake and a milkshake. It felt like it was my birthday.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning graphic animal abuse

Dear Mama,

I don’t think I want to play with Adam anymore.

I have to tell you something I didn’t tell you before. I saw Adam do something real bad.

It was the other day before Willy didn’t come home when I went to see Adam in our secret place and there was some rabbits there. He moved his hand up. Then one rabbit moved up in the air and it kicked its legs real fast like it was trying to run. Adam made a fist then there was a noise like a baby screaming. It hurt my ears and it was a long time before I knew the screaming wasn’t a baby it was the rabbit. I didn’t now rabbits made noise. It was a bad sound and I hope I never hear it ever again. Then I heard a sound like a pop and there was no more noise. Then Adam moved his hand up again and another rabbit floated in the air like a balloon. Adam made a fist and this time there was no screams when it bended backwards in half like a piece of paper and there was that nasty sound like breaking little bitty sticks and then the rabbit dropped like a dirty sock. Then Adam moved his hand up again. Another rabbit went in the air like before. Adam made a fist and oh God Mama it was so bad. I can’t say how it looked. It was like balling up a piece of paper in your hand and squeezing real hard but it wasn’t paper it was a cute little bunny rabbit. But that wasn’t the really bad thing. The really bad thing was how it was going to scream but then it didn’t like it hurt too much to even try. And there was that nasty sound again that was like breaking little bitty sticks.

I had to run away and be sick.

I hope you ain’t mad at me for not telling. I know the good thing was to run and go tell a grownup what Adam did but I was scared they would say not to play with him no more. But Adam’s my only friend except for Henry and Henry was mad at me. You know why I can’t tell don’t you Mama?

But Adam been doing other scary stuff too.

Yesterday at school I went to the bathroom to pee. I was washing my hands in the sink after I finished like you told me to. I looked up and there he was in the mirror like he was standing behind me. I look back but nobody was there. Then I look in the mirror again and there is Adam. He said This is the only way I could come see you since you don’t come to our secret place anymore. I don’t say nothing about the rabbits and how I’m scared to be by myself with him. I said This is the girls bathroom. Adam said I miss playing in our secret place why haven’t you been there? I said I had to move to a new place. He said I see.

My hands were clean a long time ago but I keep washing them. Anything to not look straight at Adam in the mirror. If I look straight at him he will see what I think and he will find out about the rabbits and how I’m scared and it will make him mad. I don’t know how I know that.

He said Where do you stay now? I don’t tell him I’m with Granny and Ruby. If I tell him he can come in and do bad things to them. I don’t know how I know that too but I do. Is that you sending me messages from heaven Mama?

Then Adam said I need you to do something really special for me for Operation Mongoose. I said What? He said I need you to get something for me from Mr. Gold’s shop. He said There’s this special knife in there and I need it for Operation Mongoose. He told me what it looked like. It’s the same size as the big kitchen knife but the sharp part is all squiggly. I said What you need it for? Then he gave a grownup smile that said You won’t tell me where you are so I won’t tell you what I’m doing.

I said I don’t got no money so how do I get this knife? Adam said You wait until Mr. Gold is gone or not looking then you take it. I said I can’t do that it’s stealing. Adam said It’s not stealing if you take it from a bad guy. Then he said If you take it I can teach you more magic. After those rabbits I don’t want magic no more but I don’t say that. I said I got to get back to class before Miss Mary Margaret takes away one of my class points.

I walk to the bathroom door and open it. Then it closed real hard real fast all by itself. I look around and Adam is not in the mirror but right in front of me. He smiled. It made me think of sharks in the nature shows we used to look at. I try not to look in his face. Adam got real close to me and said How do you like what I did to Willy? I don’t say nothing. He said He won’t putting his hands on you anymore now is he? I still don’t say nothing. Then he said Don’t worry Operation Mongoose is almost ready I’ve got plans to take care of that little bastard too.

Then he was gone.

Oh Mama I’m so scared. I don’t know what to do.


	13. Chapter 13

Dear Mama,

This is the last time I think I can talk to you for a real long time. I have to hide this where Adam won’t find it or he will find out I told you about him and he won’t like that.

I don’t play with Adam no more. No more games. No more magic tricks. No more Operation Mongoose. After he came to see me at school every time I think about him I get scared. Like he’s going to do a bad thing to me or make me do a bad thing. I don’t go to the playground or the secret place no more. I don’t know how but I think those places are like a door that make it easy for Adam to come inside and mess around. You know how you don’t like Wee-jah boards and you say they make a door for things we don’t know and they ain’t always good? Like that. But the playground and the secret place is the Wee-jah board for Adam. I don’t have the funny dreams so much and Adam don’t show up to me no more. Or maybe he’s always around and he just pretending he not. I think that’s more scary than seeing him do strange and scary things because I’m not sure if anything is what it look to be anymore. What if Adam is inside all the time now and he is making me do this because it’s part of Operation Mongoose? What if there’s no more Keisha only Adam?

I’m sorry for being so dumb. Now Henry and Henry’s mom and maybe the whole town is in trouble because of me. I wish I can fix it but I’m just a kid. It has to be somebody more strong and more brave and more smart than me. Somebody like Henry maybe. Or Henry’s mom. Or Emma.

I had a bad dream not long ago. In the dream I get up at night to go pee. Then I wash my hands and I look up in the mirror but it’s not me it’s Adam. Then it’s all dark. Then I wake up and it’s morning and I have to pee so I go to the bathroom. I use the bathroom and I get ready to wash my hands and that’s when I see it. There is writing on the mirror in all colors and it says I SEE YOU I SEE YOU I SEE YOU I SEE YOU. It’s all over the mirror. I scream and scream and cry and cry. That’s when I wake up for real.

Granny and Ruby came inside my room and they say Keisha Keisha what’s wrong but I can’t say because I’m scared to talk about Adam. I don’t know how I know but I know that saying his name out loud means he can come. It was not a school night so Ruby made me hot chocolate and let me stay up and watch cartoons.

Then Emma came the other day and told me I can’t live with Granny and Ruby no more. Granny and Ruby looked real sad and I said How come? Emma looked real sad and said Sweetheart it’s not that Granny and Ruby don’t love you. Then Granny said No Keisha not at all we love you very very much. And Ruby nodded her head yes. Then Emma said It’s just that the people in charge don’t think Granny and Ruby can take care of you. I said But I’m better here than I was with Willy how come I can’t stay? Then Emma said I know we all know but the people in charge don’t see it that way. I don’t know what that means so I just said OK. She said Listen kid I’m really sorry this had to happen to you if it was up to me you won’t have to live anywhere you don’t want to. I said OK. So now I have to go away. I don’t want to cry because I’m not a baby but I can’t help it. Maybe I can run away to live with Henry’s mom. Nobody can take me away if she say no.

I have to go now because it’s almost time for me to get ready to go to this new place far away.

I’m sorry I messed everything up for everybody.

I love you.

Keisha


End file.
